Wednesday, September 17, 2014


I thought a post about meditation was due about now. I'm going to make a long post about stress relief when I have the time and computer to find all of the links I want but for now I'll post this little bit on my meditation.

I'm calling it my meditation because I'm not sure what other people's way of meditating is or how it differs from what I do.

So what is meditation? Meditation means lots of things for a lot of people, for me it's my way of calming myself and getting in touch with myself again. I usually meditate when I'm feeling lost or need to de-stress. Meditation for me is usually one of two things, it can find insights I might have overlooked in my first pass at them or it is a good exercise for healthy brain habits by focusing on keeping your mind blank.

How do I meditate? Well I'm sure other people have lots of other (probably much better) ways to do it but I personally find a quite, comfortable place where I can sit and feel safe and then I go through my steps.
  1. Close my eyes
  2. Picture my body becoming a tree, my backbone being a strong trunk and my tailbone is where my roots start where my face is the fresh green leaves
  3. Root myself. I feel my backbone growing down into the earth and connecting with it.
  4. For my safety I put up my shield. By this I mean I picture a impenetrable fource or wall that not only blocks things from harming me but also blocks things out and helps me stay focused. (People picture themselves in a very thorny rosebush or many other things but I personally like to imagine myself in a circle of giant crystals or ice shards)
  5. Here is where you will think about things you want insight on or decide to use your time to "reset" your mind and work on mental exercises. I like to picture a blank piece of paper or a white wall to start and move on to visualize other things.

Yep that's about it. I have been looking into trance stuff which is really cool but I don't know very much about it so I'm not going to try and go into that here. As I said I will be writing up a long post about stress fighting stuff I love to use and I hope I can do so soon but my life is kind of crazy right now and its a little hard for me to do anything online. X.x well I hope this helped someone somewhere! I certainly like writing about this kind of stuff. Thanks for reading everyone! :3

Hmm what to do next?

In my last post I was bummed out a lot and I think it's unhealthy for me to rant like that without making some effort to change that. Now the question becomes what do I do to change it?

I'm not sure what to do yet and I feel like I need to put some thought into it... I think to start I need to have a sit down with my bf and tell him what I have going on in my head a bit better, he knows mist of it but I want to be a little more clear. After that I'm going to make a list and possibly meditate on what else I might be upset over... 

I'm not sure what else to do yet but I figured it would be helpful to someone out there to know I feel the same way they do, behind and out of luck. It's also helpful to see what I do to try and fix it. At least I hope I can help someone. X.x

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

So much loss and a lot of depression.

My last post was about robin Williams... We also lost another amazing comic... yep I'm talking about Joan Rivers... I will miss them both.

My little dog Poco was hit a few weeks ago as well... I don't like talking abou sad stuff like this though.

I can't go fursuiting either. There is apparently a mask ordinance on church street that they haven't cared about since the sixties. A new suiter was stopped by a cop and now we have to figure out permits and thank dog the city likes us and is helping us as much as they can. I really appreciate that they understand why we do it and want to help, that's just really cool of them.

Things have just not been going my way... my bf and I have spent almost all of our savings on the car all of a sudden and now we need new phones and to pay rent and everything and I just feel like I can't keep up and I'll never get to save up for the things I want. Like a friend of mine is going to make me fursuit feet and I even sent her the money but I can't get to the post office and send her the stuff for trade and the shoes to build them on. I'm so close but I can't seem to make it through the final stretch. It's not a huge deal compared to many things but it's so close and I CAN NOT seem to get it and that is incredibly frustrating. I don't have the best job and I don't mind saving up but it makes me feel worse about my life that I can't seem to get anything to work.

My computer has also bitten the dust so I can't work on anything which adds to my frustration and stress levels. I feel like shit, look like shit, and can't do shit and it's terrible. Right now I don't want much past being able to save what little money I get and spend some of it on some shit for me. I feel like I'm giving everything away right now and it just sucks.

Bleh end rant for now, sorry for the negativity but I've lost a lot personally lately and I'm feeling so down.