Sunday, May 15, 2016

Lost again.

I'm so lost now. We dated for almost four years... We lived together for almost three. I don't know what to do now. I'm trying a lot of things but I don't know if any of them will work. I don't remember how to do all of this without you.

I'm so alone again.

I'm happy we can still be friends because I don't know if I could live with you hating me. I just wish I could have made you happy. I wish I could have fixed it.

You are hurting and I won't say you aren't but you have someone to go to. I can't go to anyone. I don't want them to be upset with you because it's not your fault. I don't want the blame cast on you. I want things to stay the same but they won't and no one seems to understand that blaming you and trying to make you the bad guy only hurts me more.

Stop blaming him. Stop telling me it's okay to hate him or be mad. It's not okay. I refuse to be that kind of person. I'm upset but I'm not going to blame someone else for all of this when it was my idea in the first place. All of this was my idea.

I'll stay alone because this was my idea and I'll have to live with that.