Monday, August 7, 2017
School starts soon and I'm really looking forward to it! I hated high school a lot (except for Walden) and college has been so much better. I really can't get over the fact I'm going to school for exactly what I want to do in my life and I'll actually be learning from people currently in the industry as well. I think the experience is invaluable and I really can't believe it's actually happening to me.
Thursday, June 29, 2017
She is being made in Metasaquoia. Please don't repost this or use it without my permission. Thank you.
Saturday, June 24, 2017
I have these two friends who I love a lot but have been giving me a hard time lately. I've known both of them for a long time and while I'm upset with them I understand them enough to gauge the situation well I think. So they are both in odd places in their lives and increasingly using me as an escape from their issues with little regard to my own plans and life. I have increasingly less time for my personal projects and everyday life chores because these two friends suddenly need me every day for some off thing or another and I only have so much time before I start school full time and have even less time for my own stuff. I will be leaving out names because some of this is very personal. If either of my friends I am talking about read this I want you to know I love you and I'm just writing to clear my head. I will bring up these things to you personally if they become too much for me but for right now I just need this to gauge where we are and where I am.
We'll start with friend "A" who has just recently graduated from her dream art school and doesn't quite know what she wants to do now. She had been in an on and off "not relationship" with a guy she knows from a previous summer job but just recently decided to stop being hung up on him and move on with her own life. This is very good for her and I'm super proud of her for accepting that he was using her and never really wanted a relationship and choosing her own mental and emotional health over his (which she probably couldn't "fix" and would have made her miserable). I am SO proud of her for this and I am happy that she's sending less time with a group of friends who were quite bad for her health and well being in general.
This leads to a different issue though. I love her very much but I am now the person she goes to with everything and while I desperately want to be there to help her I know, after much hardship of my own, just how far I can stretch my mental health before I'm hurting myself. She doesn't know how much time I spend learning things because art come naturally to her. She has a hard time understanding that I just need time alone sometimes recently. She wants companionship more often than I can give it to her. I hope that I do help her when I can though.I have been tough with her on issues I think are harmful to her but I hope in a way that shows her I'm not going to let her hurt herself or lie to herself about things. She's been given a lot in her life so she has trouble figuring out what things she should be fighting for and what things to let go of and move on from. She's gotten much better about things recently and I think she's really starting to understand the "real world" from her college life. She's also been my close friend long enough to understand when I need to go out and get away and when I need a nice day in watching movies most of the time which I really appreciate. The issues I have with her are actually mostly exasperation because she's very skilled in art and has never had to really try her hardest to get what she wants or needs so she doesn't know how to market herself or push for something now that she's in a world of a bit more competition. I want to see her live her dreams but she gets worried when it doesn't come easily.
Now friend "B" is a very different story. She's recently left a long term abusive relationship that left her with much trauma and two wonderful babies under two years old. There is an entire book I could write on what happened but I'm not going to tell a story that isn't mine. I'm going to start with how proud I am of her for leaving someone who she had loved who had turned abusive. This is not an easy task. Abusive relationships seem like something you should just immediately see and get out of but it is almost NEVER that simple. I'm so happy that things in her life seem to be getting much better and even though her family is not the best place for her to be either it's at least a little bit safer physically for her and her kids. She's been through a LOT in her life and I really hope things just keep getting better for her. Her kids are great and healthy, she has a well enough paying job at the moment, and she has a lot of support from friends and family.
I'm going to address issues we have in our friendship and a few issues friend "B" has. "B" has a lot of issues mentally and emotionally from her life, she's gone to get help before and hopes to do so again soon which is phenomenal and I am so proud of her for this too. These issues are being addressed by her which is extremely important and a huge step for her to take in her own well being. That doesn't mean she's instantly cured or that these issues do not effect her relationships with others. This coupled with my own issues leads us to some interesting fights and talks in our relationship. Recently we've had issues because she doesn't understand my time management and she has trouble with putting herself in other peoples shoes. She's had to look out for herself for quite a while now and this seems to have caused her to become more self centered.
Much of our arguments recently stem from a misunderstanding of my time and how it should be used. I don't have a great job right now and I don't work much per week at it. To "B" this means I have a ton of free time not spent doing anything because her very limited free time is spent on more relaxing indulgent ventures than mine. My "free time" isn't actually free time most days. I spend hours of my day working on art and modeling because it's not only what I like to do but also what I plan on doing for a career. I'm happy to be doing it but it's also very important for my life. The issue arises when I don't have time to give to her that she sees as time I'm not using. An example that comes up quite often is babysitting. She'll assume I'm free and ask me to babysit, I'll tell her no I can't because I have stuff to do, She'll then get upset that I have all of this free time (the time I'm using for household chores or portfolio work) and can't help her out and give her some time away from the kids. I don't mind helping her out once in a while or when a sitter cancels on her last minute but I don't have kids and I don't have the mental and emotional strength to watch them a lot. They are adorable and I love them but they are exhausting and I can't do that right now. I just can't do it. "B" uses manipulation tactics to try and get what she wants or needs, I don't think these are conscious decisions most of the time but survival methods she's had to employ or has just grown up with. While I understand why she uses them that doesn't make them healthy or okay to use. She recently got upset with me because I couldn't make time for her last minute to watch her kids. She wanted to go to a party which I can understand because being a single Mom is super hard and you need to take time for yourself. This being said she values my time so little that she just assumed I had nothing going on and could watch the kids on a few hours notice. I told her no and she got upset siting the promise I made to help her. When I continued to tell her I couldn't and that the notice was too short she resorted to trying to make me feel worse about my life and telling me how I was a bad friend for not rescuing her from her abuser. This wasn't only false because I had tried to help her get out of said relationship many times and had spent a lot of time helping her (I was a stirrup for her when she had her first baby) but was meant to make me feel sorry and do what she wants. I can unfortunately recognize this kind of manipulation from past experiences with others.
I love my friend a lot and I want to help her but I am not a therapist or psychiatrist, I just don't know how to help her. I don't know how to explain this stuff to her. She's not a bad person in any way and when you're in trouble she's always there to try and help but what do you do when they do hurtful harmful things without understanding it? How do you explain to a person what they are doing is hurtful when that has always been justified for them? How do you show someone the good things in their life and tell them to get it together?
This was much longer than I thought it was going to be! I just meant to make a quick post but apparently I needed to write it all out to make sense of it. I apologize if it rambles or is difficult to read! Thanks for reading.
Wednesday, June 21, 2017
I did this piece in Krita with a digital brush that I slightly modified and some airbrushing. The sun and scenery probably took the longest because I draw canine shapes all of the time. I'm pretty proud of this one. It's not perfect and if/ when I do more things like this I think there are a few changes I'd make but overall I'm super happy with it.
I'm making her in metasequoia and I used pictures of ISAO Miku and the Miku in the "Miku Miku ni shite ageru" video for proportion reference.
I'm really excited to have gotten this far and I hope I can figure out the rest of it before I start school in the fall because I don't think I'll have a ton of time for side projects with five classes. I really hope I can get her to look how I want but as long as she looks like Miku I think I'll be happy.
Monday, June 19, 2017
On a more summer related note I'm working on some projects to improve my art! Right now I'm drawing a few fan art type drawings which are fun and I think they'll be well received!
Friday, June 9, 2017
I hope to get more stuff up and be better at posting since it's what I want to be doing!
I also posted an art piece for #Mermay on deviant art!
Friday, April 14, 2017
So the class is a color theory class, it is surprising that it's bad since it could be fantastic and super useful! It started off a little weird since it is online. The professor had us buy a very specific set of paints for the class which is a bit odd for an online course but makes sense in that we all need to be using the same colors. I had no issue with this as I thought that the class would have some painting and color mixing in it. Things started to get really odd about the third week or so when the college professor sent us to a Wikihow page for an assignment. Yes the teacher sent us to a free online tutorial on color mixing a color wheel. The Wikihow wasn't even specific to our paints so it made even less sense. I was not impressed but at the same time I didn't think too much of it at that time.
The next few problems I had were much worse. The professor began giving much more work after the forth or fifth week out of the blue and completely messed up my schedule for her class then posted the next weeks assignments days after posting the current weeks so I ended up doing the wrong assignments for one of the weeks. The other problem with all of this is that almost EVERY assignment was painting. I can't paint and have never used this kind of paint before. Not once. I emailed the professor when I started to be late turning in assignments telling her that I was having trouble with the medium and the time it takes to do the work. Her response to almost every email is that she wants me to work harder and that my time management needs work.
OK This I really have a problem with. When I was in high school I totally had major issues with procrastination and I wont pretend that it's not still a bit of a problem for me but college is different. I have ALMOST NEVER been late with an assignment. I knew I was going to have to work my butt of in college to get great grades because I wanted to transfer and my high school grades are not good. I've worked harder on my grades the last two years than all of my school before this. I AM NO LONGER A SLACKER. I cannot afford to be one anymore. I made Phi Theta Kappa this year as a bit of proof of my intent to get the best grades I can.
I've tried everything with this lady and she just keeps asking for outrageous things. At first I thought it was just me being a bit overwhelmed but I asked my other teachers and my adviser who all said she was asking for a bit much with the time we had for the class.
This class is ridiculous and to top it off I'm not really learning anything about color theory. I'm just so disappointed.
Tuesday, April 4, 2017
I've been trying to figure things out on my own but I really want to learn about 3D modeling and art and everything I can from people who really know what they're doing.
Wednesday, March 29, 2017
I've had a bit of a hard time with my art classes because of the teachers but my anthropology class is going okay. I'm frustrated with the classes but I think I'm going to talk about those separately from this post as this is just a quick update!
So things are going well relatively for me but I'm trying to better myself. I'm working on a lot of art and trying to get into my college still.
I recently took on commissions and I've been posting them to Ko-fi and deviant art mostly. I should branch out and try more websites but here is the information for those who read my blog!
Saturday, March 4, 2017
|Click Here for the Deviant art page!|
|Click here for the Deviant art page!|
My prices are on weasyl or deviant art!
I try to be a good friend to those who stay with me and be a good girlfriend to Tae. I'm sure my friends would say I'm a good friend and Tae seems to think I'm a good girlfriend but I, myself, struggle with not doing enough for these amazing people in my life. My friends and family are really fantastic, supportive, and loving. I don't know where I would be without them and I hope they know how much I love them.
Tuesday, February 28, 2017
so far I have a face a little farther along than this work in progress:
Saturday, February 18, 2017
The college rant! This isn't a really huge rant just a short, not very upset one. I'm in a drawing class currently. It's the second class in the set of drawing classes. This class is important to me and what I want to do with my career. This being said, there is something else wildly different this semester than the previous class I was in. This class has a group of high school students in it. For the most part these kids are fine and don't cause much of a fuss but they are so very obviously high school students. They are too shy to talk during class at times but will idly chat constantly to each other and occasional I have to ignore a conversation or two that even I find childish (this is saying something). I'm not that upset or ranting heavily because they mean well and for the most part they behave. The problem I have is that the teacher of this class seems to be slowing us all down to keep pace with them. I did not pay that much money to be slowed down by high school kids who are there for free. I know that might seem mean and I'm not that much older but this is really important and I really don't want to go back to the high school atmosphere and I can't afford to waste time in this class.
Wednesday, February 15, 2017
Monday, February 13, 2017
So the sketches are like this:
Sunday, February 12, 2017
Saturday, February 11, 2017
Yesterday I felt more confused and frustrated after the meeting with the admissions person than before. I was hoping she could explain better what she meant by missed requirements but it really seemed like she had no idea what was needed just that I didn't meet it. After a few minutes of trying to figure out what I needed to change and getting almost nowhere, she told me I could email the person in charge of the major I wanted to get into and see if they could give me a better idea of what I needed and missed. So on the ride home that is exactly what I did!
I just got a response back today and they want to see one more piece of art from me and that will help them figure out exactly where we stand. So I'll be working on that soon and I think it will really help! So keep your fingers crossed for me!
Friday, February 10, 2017
I just got out of my drawing class and now I'm waiting for a meeting with the other college admissions person. Class was fun and I think I got a fair amount done despite the high school group being extra rambunctious. I think they are sweet and mostly mean well but I really don't enjoy some of the dumb things they say or the extra quiet times when they have no courage to speak. I was there once in my life so I won't give them too much of a hard time but they need to understand that this is not highschool and while they get the class for free I most certainly do not.
I'm worried about this meeting but I think it will go well. Worst comes to worse I have to find a new college and there are plenty that will be more than happy to take an honor student. I'm so proud that I actually made phi theta kappa! I've never done so well in school and I'm working my hardest so it's nice to get a little recognition of that!
Today was crazy the weather was awful and I just didn't have the nerve to be on the road after the dentist and the accident last Friday so I had to call out of work which really sucks. I hardly ever call out of work because I really hate it and it's not a good thing to have to do. I also apparently needed a day because I was so tired that I took a nap that ended up much longer than I wanted!
Tomorrow is my drawing class and then an interview with a college. I'm excited but also a bit mad so I'll see how things go and give you all a report after!
Thursday, February 9, 2017
I'm terrified. I hate going to the dentist. I know I don't take care of my teeth well enough and when I was younger I was at the dentist a lot. It's been years since I was here and I know my teeth are in bad shape. I am really freaked out. I know one of them is broken too and I don't know what they're going to do with that. Wish me luck!
Tuesday, February 7, 2017
So I added new links to the links section on the left! I had a few other places I wanted to show you and have connected to this site!
One of the links is a brand new page! I made a twitter that is just for art and 3D models/MMD/PMD/UTAU stuff! I'll be posting there more regularly too! There are a bunch of other links that were on a different page but I consolidated it a bit!
If you have some time to check them out I would appreciate it! I'm also still offering small sketches for those who buy me a coffee with the button on the top right of the page!
Monday, February 6, 2017
I'm now out of class and with Tae while I wait for him to get his taxes done. My parents taxes get very confusing and sometimes it's better for them to claim me since I'm in school so I just give them what they need for the nice lady who does their taxes.
Class was cool. He's mostly a lecturer which doesn't actually bother me but he says he's getting the basics covered for us to have a better conversation in the future which will be nice. Conversational classes are some of my favorite because I just really do well in that setting. I really hope I can knock these classes out of the park this semester.
Anthropology is a class that I actually find very interesting. The professor for it reminds me a bit of Tony Stark from the Iron Man movies! I like it but I'm not sure how to observe a group of people like he wants us to do. I can't use other classes or my family but I don't do anything else regularly. I was going to do Walden but now I'm not sure I can because I don't have a car! This past year and this one so far have been obscenely stressful. I feel bad for Tae too because he's been so helpful and I can't help him out. I'm not sure what to do right now.
Sunday, February 5, 2017
I'm sad the patriots are catching up a bit but I hope the falcons win!
Also I was working on a picture so I decided to post a work in progress piece! Just a cute fox!
So far it's been interesting. I'm not a big fan of the patriots because of how they run the team and how they treat others so I'm glad that right now the falcons are kicking their butt! I've never really understood the game itself but I can understand the kind of intense physical strength these guys have and the dedication they have to the game.
I was sad but not surprised to here that Tom Brady is a trump supporter. I mean he's a rich white male, it's probably in his best interest to do so but that doesn't make it okay or in the best interest of America. Supporting someone like trump ultimately means you do not support rape victims, women, black people, Muslims, Mexican people, Jewish people, or many others.
So even in sports that I hardly watch I'm still stuck thinking about the cheeto in chief who is, not so slowly, destroying America. Give us your poor and hungry right?
Saturday, February 4, 2017
I'm really upset that my car got crunched... I just got it on the road and it was MY car. I've never had a car before so it really sucks that I'm going to have to borrow one. I'm grateful it won't be too much of a problem to do that because it could have been really bad if I had no ride at all. I know this is a bit of a first world problem but I was so excited to have my own car for the first time and not have to ask my parents to use theirs. There are worse things that could have happened definitely, and I'm really super lucky that I have back up, but I'm still kind of sad.
To recap, I got into an accident but I'm okay, I'm back home safe and sound. I'm sad about my car and it's certainly not great for me to not have it but I'll be fine. I'm so grateful I'm safe but I'm sad it happened.
I took some pictures of the car when we went to go get it today. The red stuff on the grill and coming out from under the hood is transmission fluid. Also that's my mom in the second and third picture.
Friday, February 3, 2017
What is Ko-fi?
Well Ko-fi is a website that uses pay pal to allow people to send money/tips/etc. to artists, usually a small amount like that of a cup of coffee. If you have goals you want to reach, the site is also set up for that! The button in the upper right corner of this page is how you get to my Ko-fi page. The button is very interesting and Ko-fi allows for many different coding types to make sure your button can be seen on most sites!
Why use it?
Well it's free, really friendly and professional looking, and it's a nice way to show support to other creators.
Who wouldn't like a free cup of coffee or other such drink?
I think that this is a really interesting way to do something nice for others and to support artists and other creators. Many of the people I see on this site are very similar to my own situation where they would like to make a living on their art but don't really know where to start. There are also seasoned artists on there that view this site as an alternative to patreon or any other such monthly system!
Why do I have one?
I decided this was a good step towards taking commissions for my art. I'm not super comfortable with my art so I've not been comfortable with taking commissions on it. I also work in a lot of places so it's nice that I can put the button almost anywhere! I also really love the thought of a small act of kindness such as buying someone a coffee, I really think it's nice and now with thew power of the internet you don't need to be at the same coffee shop!
If you want to buy me a coffee I would really appreciate it but don't feel like you have to! I may sometimes put up rewards for buying me a coffee, like for right now you can get a sketch of something you'd like from me in return! I'll try to always post that here so those of you who read this know what I'm offering at any given time.
So if you feel like checking it out definitely do! The link to my page is the button on the top right or if you want the homepage click here!
Tuesday, January 31, 2017
So these were done for my drawing class last semester:
I'm happy to report that it did get better! My father was right, as he usually is in these such matters, in his usual saying of "This too shall pass". I'm now in a very happy and very healthy relationship with a wonderful man named Tae and I'm having a lot of luck in my school work! The only thing I don't have going for me (knock on wood!) right now is my job. I'm working a seasonal job that took a long break and isn't going to be going on much longer. I really need to find something more solid soon!
As for this website I'm not sure what should do with it. I want to keep updating it and I think I'll keep using it as a blog but I wish I had something professional to show for what I've done too. I think I'll have to look into a website for myself that works like a portfolio and I thought about doing that here but I think this particular blog might work better as it is for me.
I'm working on so many things right now! I just started to very heavily work on making my own 3D models from scratch and I'm also learning to play the mandolin, Tae knows a great many musical things! I'm drawing a lot more and I'm taking classes that actually really help me in that direction instead of the "needed to graduate" type of courses. This semester it's a Drawing 2 class and color theory, I'm also taking an intro to anthropology class which will help me in character design I think.
I'm going to try and post some artwork I've done for class and other work I've been up to. I feel like I never finish anything but that's not true and I think posting all of it will help me see the work I've done differently.
So I hope you stick around to see what I'm capable of and the crazy ideas I have in store!