Monday, May 16, 2016

Working on vocaloid!

Sorry about that last post... I'm not doing the best with this break up even if it was mutual.

Moving on!
So I'm working on some fun vocaloid stuff! I'm really excited to get back to it since I never have time to devote to it! I should really feel ashamed of the fact I haven't made anything to show for all of this since vocaloid is a HUGE part of my life. It might seem like a small simple thing for other people but it really was a gigantic part of pointing me in the direction my life went and is going.

I'm going to make 3D models and animations for video games some day and I never would have realized how fun modeling and game art is without stumbling across Miku that one fateful day! Now it's been seven of eight years that I've had them in my life regularly. Hahaha like I said, to most people this might not make sense or might seem excessive but this is how it is and I wouldn't change that for the world.

All of that aside! I'm working on Vocaloid and UTAU stuff so hopefully I'll post that soon and I'm also back to updating my ask blog so go visit Icy and Doodles if you have time!

Sunday, May 15, 2016

Lost again.

I'm so lost now. We dated for almost four years... We lived together for almost three. I don't know what to do now. I'm trying a lot of things but I don't know if any of them will work. I don't remember how to do all of this without you.

I'm so alone again.

I'm happy we can still be friends because I don't know if I could live with you hating me. I just wish I could have made you happy. I wish I could have fixed it.

You are hurting and I won't say you aren't but you have someone to go to. I can't go to anyone. I don't want them to be upset with you because it's not your fault. I don't want the blame cast on you. I want things to stay the same but they won't and no one seems to understand that blaming you and trying to make you the bad guy only hurts me more.

Stop blaming him. Stop telling me it's okay to hate him or be mad. It's not okay. I refuse to be that kind of person. I'm upset but I'm not going to blame someone else for all of this when it was my idea in the first place. All of this was my idea.

I'll stay alone because this was my idea and I'll have to live with that.